Why Do I Do This?

             I have taken several personality tests over the years, one of the most well-known being the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. I consistently identify as an INFJ, which stands for Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Judging. While it’s beyond the scope of today’s reflection to explain what each of these terms means, I find that they fit me quite well.

     Part of the last term, "Judging," includes the characteristic of being inflexible. At first, I was somewhat offended by this label; however, upon reflecting on my reactions to unexpected changes, I’ve come to understand it as true. A significant part of who I am is my preference for life to unfold in a predictable manner. While this seldom happens, I manage to cope and adjust as needed. Nevertheless, my desire remains for stability and order.

      This brings me to the purpose of writing this now. When I first created this website, I envisioned it as a dynamic platform that would change according to the current circumstances of my life. I thought that incorporating a weekly musing—a reflection of my current thoughts and feelings—would contribute to that dynamism. Yet here I am on a Monday morning, faced with a blank page, and I find myself struggling to come up with something to write.

     This leads me to ask: Why do I do this at all? Why do I choose to share the content found in the various sections of this website? Why do I impose a weekly deadline on myself?

     Part of the answer can be found on the home page: I enjoy sharing my thoughts and feelings. There’s another layer to this, though: I have a deep desire to be “known.” By that, I don’t mean famous; rather, I want the people in my life to know who I am and what I believe. I want my values to be accessible to anyone interested. I particularly enjoy sharing stories that illustrate these aspects of my identity. To honor who I am, I feel compelled to consistently publish something new each week, preferably at the start of the week.

     A short time ago, two friends and I started a sharing group. We meet via Zoom each Monday morning at 9:00 a.m. Our plan is to discuss something one of us has written and something authored by someone else. Recently, we read a book titled Proof of Heaven by Eben Alexander. I initially reacted with a “ho-hum” attitude toward the portion in which he describes his near-death experience and journey to and from heaven.

     However, near the end of the book, Alexander shares additional thoughts that completely captivated me. I found myself setting the book down to contemplate and try to understand his words. Ironically, I was far more engaged with the final twenty pages than with the first one hundred and seventy. This morning, my friends and I will discuss these insights.

     In some way, I believe my need to write, share, and be known is deeply intertwined with a desire for immortality, which connects with the final thoughts expressed by Eben Alexander. Stay tuned—more reflections will come.