Mental Health
Yesterday morning I awoke feeling very concerned about a friend. The previous day I learned that this person was depressed to the point of considering suicide. Fortunately, he shared this with his wife, and she secured help for him.
I am sensitive to the issue of depression because my sister Marjorie suffered from it for much of her adult life. She was bi-polar, and it seemed that the down side of the syndrome dominated her life more than the up side. She also enjoyed some long periods of “normal”, whatever that means. During those times she was a truly delightful person.
For most of the time that Marjie was dealing with the bi-polar disease she was treated with Lithium. Eventually, we learned that long term lithium caused kidney disease, and the last few years of her life she had to be on dialysis. The tolls of caring for her weighed heavily on her husband, Nick. He was totally dedicated to her.
In October of 2021, Margie’s health had deteriorated significantly. I visited Nick when she had been hospitalized, and he was very discouraged, more so than I had ever seen him. A few days later he suffered a massive stroke. Both of them passed away within the next week, forty-eight hours apart, after forty-seven years of marriage.
One of the sad aspects of all forms of mental illness is the toll it takes on family members besides the person afflicted. It is often hard for those of us not dealing first-hand with mental health issues to fully empathize with those who are. Frustration and anger may surface where caring and support would be more effective.
Complicating all of this is the very real stigma our society attaches to mental illness. I have a counseling degree, and yet I am reluctant to share that I have seen a psychologist. Why is that? I have no reservation in saying that I have seen a physician or an attorney or a mechanic. Why is acknowledging I needed some help with emotional issues more difficult than for ones with my body or the law or my car?
One thing I do know. Counseling and medication can help. For many, exercise and sunshine are excellent antidotes to depression. I encourage those struggling with life to seek help. Start with your physician or pastor or a good friend if you know of no one else. If you are approached by someone who seems either depressed or overly anxious, your first response should be simply to listen. Do not interrupt or give advice. Give them your full attention and just listen. With body language, voice tone and words, let them know you care.
After they seem talked out, encourage them to share more. When they are truly finished, you may want to make a suggestion but be careful how you word it. Avoid saying things like “you should…….” Instead, use phrases like “I wonder if you have considered……..” At the end of the conversation, you may want to raise the possibility of them seeking professional help. Again, be careful with your wording.
Mental illness presents in many forms. Depression, anxiety, addictions and burn-out are common. Whether you are experiencing one or more of these first hand, or observing them in someone for whom you care, get some help.
