Emotional Intimacy

    I long ago realized that Alenda is my greatest earthly/spiritual blessing. I use that combined term because although at present we both exist in our earthly incarnation, there is a very strong spiritual dimension to our relationship. We have attained a level of emotional intimacy that I treasure. It is difficult to clearly explain just what that means, so I will once again share a story that demonstrates it.

    I have taken a number of personality tests, and the results consistently show me to be inflexible. I am not thrilled with that description, but  when I reflect on how I react to even minor but unexpected change, I have to acknowledge it is true. An example came one day when I was doing farm calls. Alenda called and asked if I could possibly pick up our niece, Holly, at a camp where she was staying. This was on a Friday, and the camp closed over the weekend.  

     Alenda further explained that she had just talked to Howard, Holly’s father and Alenda’s brother. Howard had told her that he was having a really hectic day, with all kinds of unexpected complications, and it was going to be very difficult for him to drive the hour and a half to the camp to get Holly. Alenda wondered if I could help him out. I told her no, I was just too busy with my own commitments. Alenda accepted my answer graciously, and we ended the call.

    During the next few minutes, I began to second-guess my answer. Despite a rather full day, I could reasonably expect to be finished with farm calls by 6:00 p.m. and could then return home by way of Holly’s camp. I could pick her up by 7:00, and still be home for a late dinner by 8:00. She could then spend the weekend with us, giving us a nice opportunity to visit. This did not seem to be such a difficult task after all, and it would greatly simplify Howard’s day.

     After pondering this possibility a few more minutes, I called Alenda back and said I thought I could make it work. I then called Howard, to make the offer to him. I can still recall the relief in his voice. Of course, by then, I was very glad to have re-considered my initial response.

    It all worked out very well. I had a delightful visit with Holly traveling from the camp to our home. The enjoyment extended through the weekend. She attended church and Sunday school with us, and some interesting follow-up discussion resulted from those sessions. On Sunday we took her back for another week at the camp.

    So what does this story have to do with emotional intimacy? That came to light a day or so later, when Alenda made the following observation. “I know why you changed your mind and agreed to pick up Holly.” I reflected on that comment for a moment or two, and then replied, “Okay, why did I do it?” “You did not do it for Holly. And you did not do it for Howard. You did it for me,” was her response.

     Alenda was absolutely right. She knew me, and my motives, better than I did. As much as I was gratified to help Holly and Howard with this situation, my deepest desire was to please Alenda, and I knew it would please Alenda if I helped her brother. Does that make sense? I hope it gives some insight into the relationship that truly is my greatest earthly/spiritual blessing.