What Brings Us Joy?

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     Last Monday morning, I woke up grumpy. The cause of my grumpiness was three-fold. Over the weekend, the Phillies had lost their playoff opener against the Dodgers, the Eagles had lost a close game against the Broncos, and I had lost my fantasy football match against my daughter Tanya. As I mired about in my grumpiness, I also pondered “why do I invest energy and caring in the outcome of games that have nothing to do with my personal life.”

     Of course I am not alone in this phenomenon. I occasionally listen to WIP, an all- sports radio station in Philadelphia. The callers express true outrage over the play and coaching regarding Philadelphia teams. The hosts report that the mood of the entire city swings with wins and losses. The salaries our society bestows on those people who excel at throwing or catching or hitting a ball of some type also reflects the importance of sports to us. 

     Regardless of all of this, I soon went about my day, which began with exercise. I once heard a mental health counselor state that two of the best treatments for depression are sunshine and exercise. So, if you are feeling blue and the sun is out, go for a walk. The sun was not yet up when I exercised that morning, but I definitely felt the benefits of that half of the equation. By the time I finished and showered, my mood had improved significantly. 

     Abraham Maslowe was a psychologist who formulated a theory of human needs that are related to our happiness. He demonstrated these needs in the form of a triangle, with the base consisting of physical needs, including air, food, water, sleep, and shelter. Above these are security needs, which reflect the degree to which we believe we will be able to meet our physical needs in the future. Next come needs of love and belonging, and finally, at the apex of the triangle, are self-actualization needs. My understanding of self-actualization is a feeling of having a large degree (not total) of control over our lives. I am blessed to have felt self-actualized for most of my life.

     I am aware that of all the needs listed above, most of them are within the realms of thoughts and feelings. That concept brings us to another psychologist, Aaron Beck, who developed cognitive behavioral therapy. The theory behind this therapy is that our thoughts and behaviors influence our emotions. Changing thoughts and behaviors can alter the way we feel about ourselves. 

     I find this to be very true for me. If I come into my office feeling depressed, and notice a lot of clutter on my desk, my mood will immediately improve if I take ten minutes to tidy it up. The same applies to taking a walk in the sunshine. These are examples of changing my behavior.

     Changing my thoughts involves self-talk. I, like most people, have a tendency to put myself down, and my self-talk is too often negative. I find myself thinking, “wow, I really screwed up that situation.” Intentionally changing that to “I wish that had gone differently, but I did the best I could, and I will learn from it,” tends to elevate my mood. If we choose, we can always find some positives in our life, and if we focus on these facts instead of the negative ones, we can exist in a happier state of mind.

     I titled this musing “Where do we find joy”? For me, it is often in relationships, including family, friends, and co-workers. Beyond that comes beholding the miracles of nature, and at the foundation of it all is my faith in God. Part of my faith in God is knowing that I am one of God’s creations, and thus worthy of joy and self-love. This fact is an important part of my self-talk during times when I can find nothing else positive.

     Since last Monday morning, the Phillies have been eliminated from the play-offs, and the Eagles lost another game, this one not even close. Yet I find myself in very positive state of being today, having spent the past few days enjoying the fall foliage with close friends. Relationships and miracles of nature come to the rescue, both gifts from God.